You know that feeling when you’re pretty sure you can handle something, and then—bam—you’re eating humble pie, hands covered in the goo of your own misjudgment? Yeah. That’s basically my experience with the Skaven. Let me walk you through how I, a seasoned strategist, thought I could beat the rats, only to end up overwhelmed by them like a dumpster in a rat-infested alley.
So, What Exactly Are Skaven?
Okay, before I dive in, let’s take a step back. What are Skaven, anyway? If you’ve ever seen a rat scurrying across a subway platform and thought, “What if that was an army of those things—plus, they were in charge of an apocalyptic death cult?” Well, Skaven are kind of like that. They’re a race of sneaky, dirty, backstabbing rat people from the Warhammer universe. And if you think that sounds bad, trust me, it gets worse.
The Skaven are led by twisted warlords, each vying for dominance in a dark underworld. There are different “Clans” of Skaven, each with their own special tricks. Clan Eshin is all about assassins and stealth (because why not?), while Clan Skryre is obsessed with crazy, toxic science experiments—yeah, they’re the mad scientists of the rat world. If I’m being honest, though, the whole Skaven vibe just looked like a fun challenge. “How bad could it be?” I thought. Spoiler: Real bad.
Why I Thought I Could Handle Them
So, why did I think I could handle the Skaven? I guess I figured it was the same as any other horde faction—just flood them with enough firepower and pray. Sure, they had some cool gimmicks, but come on, how bad could a bunch of rat people really be?
Let me backtrack: I’ve played Warhammer for a hot minute. Been there, done that with orcs, elves, and even the nasty lizard folk. I was ready to face the Skaven head-on. “They can’t be worse than that one time I fought a horde of undead and somehow managed to lose my entire cavalry in the first five minutes,” I thought to myself. Yeah, past-me was clearly living in denial.
But oh, I was so wrong.
The First Encounter: Big Mistake
Alright, here’s the thing. At first, it was kind of cute. The Skaven sent some low-level Skavenslaves at me—basically their foot soldiers—and I wiped them out like it was a tutorial level. “Pfft. Easy,” I said, probably in a voice too smug for my own good.
Fast forward a couple turns and suddenly…uh, things took a weird turn. The Skaven didn’t just send in another wave of Skavenslaves. No, no. That would’ve been way too simple. Instead, I saw ratling guns, warp-lightning cannons, and, you guessed it, Doomwheels rolling across the battlefield like some kind of post-apocalyptic bumper cars.
Yeah, they had tech—and it wasn’t the fun, shiny kind.
I thought I could deal with it, but those Doomwheels? They just kept coming. And don’t even get me started on the Skaven‘s leadership mechanics. At first, their morale was all over the place, and I thought I had them on the ropes. But then, out of nowhere, they regrouped. That’s when it hit me: These rats are like the invincible cockroaches of Warhammer. I couldn’t even get rid of them, no matter how many times I squashed their leaders.
Ratling Guns, Everywhere
I thought I was being clever by setting up my forces in a nice defensive position. But, oh boy, those Ratling Guns? They’ll eat through your lines faster than a toddler through a pack of fruit snacks. You try to reposition, and suddenly, bam, the Skaven pop up from behind rocks, in tunnels, from hidden bases—who even knows? I felt like I was in some twisted whack-a-mole game.
Every time I thought I had a handle on the situation, they’d just reappear in greater numbers. It was relentless. Like the time I tried to get into bread-making and—spoiler—I had more dough stuck to my countertop than in my oven. (Look, I’m not proud of it.)
The Final Defeat: Overrun
Here’s the kicker: I thought I could hold them off with the help of a few powerful heroes and some well-placed artillery. Yeah, right. At one point, I got cocky and stretched my forces thin, thinking I could just hit their main army with everything I had. Fast forward past three failed attempts, and I find myself getting hit from all sides—Skaven troops everywhere.
They tunneled in, they surrounded me, and they kept reinforcing their position like a bad breakup that you just can’t escape from. Suddenly, my well-oiled machine of a defense was a mess of broken units, scattered reinforcements, and the faint smell of desperation.
The worst part? I actually saw it coming. But, my pride got the best of me. I thought, “Nah, I’ve got this!” But then—bam, I got overrun faster than I could say “I need a nap.”
Lessons Learned (Aka, Why I Was An Idiot)
Looking back, there are some serious takeaways here. You can learn from failure, right? If I’m being honest, my first lesson was clear: Never underestimate the Skaven.
1. Their Numbers Don’T Quit
It didn’t matter how many I killed. Skaven kept coming. They’re the opposite of “quality over quantity.” These guys are quantity first, then they work their way up. That means, no matter how hard you fight, there’s always more coming.
2. They Have Tricks Up Their Sleeves
I thought I could handle them with just a solid line of infantry and a couple of war machines. But that was, um, an oversight. The Skaven have all kinds of tricks, from deadly assassins to ambushes and those terrifying warp-lightning cannons. It’s not just about numbers—it’s about their strategic flexibility, and that’s something you can’t really plan for until you’re knee-deep in rat guts.
3. Stay Flexible And Ready For Ambushes
So, here’s the secret: when facing the Skaven, you need to keep your army on its toes. Be ready for them to pop up behind you, or worse—underground. And don’t forget to watch your morale. Those little rat-squeakers know how to mess with your head.
How To Handle Skaven: My Game Plan For Revenge
Alright, now that I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ve come up with a foolproof plan for taking down these ratty fiends. If I ever face them again, I’ll be ready.
1. Defensive Positions Are Key
The first rule is, fortify, fortify, fortify. You’re going to want choke points, towers, walls—basically, anything that can slow those rats down. I mean, they’ll find a way around your defenses, but at least you’ll have a fighting chance.
2. Counter Their War Machines
Ratling Guns and Doomwheels? Yeah, you need counters. You want anti-large units, high-mobility troops, and lots of artillery. Keep a close eye on their ratty little war machines—they can wipe you out if you let them.
3. Keep Your Leadership High
Your units will break under pressure, and the Skaven are masters of making you panic. You’ll need high leadership to avoid routing. Keep your heroes close, and don’t let them crumble under the weight of Skaven terror.
Wrapping It Up: Respect The Skaven
Look, I’ll admit it: I got totally wiped by the Skaven—like, straight-up rat-packed and outnumbered into oblivion. But it was one of those experiences that makes you appreciate just how chaotic and dangerous these little monsters can be. They’re not just annoying—they’re deadly.
If you ever find yourself in a battle with the Skaven, remember my lesson: they’ll come at you from every angle, and they’ll never, ever give up. So, unless you’re ready to handle wave after wave of madness, you might want to reconsider how much you really want to handle them. Trust me, you’re better off prepared than overconfident. Or, you know, just hide in a corner with some cheese and let the rats take over.
